The Struggle with My Confidence

Gosh! I don’t even know how to start this or even how to write it. I’m seriously struggling with words, and for the past 5 minutes, I have been staring at the blank screen, not knowing what to write.

I think I will just blurt it out and try to make sense of the thoughts inside my brain.

But I’m seriously struggling with my confidence, and there are days when I relapse, and I feel unmotivated and unconfident to do anything.

I suppose your thinking, so what the big deal? But in honesty, confidence is about how you carry yourself. It a belief system on oneself and the conviction that you can do anything in life if you believe you can do it. Having confident means, you are not afraid or can stand tall and speak up.

The thing is with me is that I can’t stand tall, I have zero belief in myself, and I’m always afraid. I feel I can neither speak up nor about do anything.

My confidence has totally gone, and I’m left struggling in the wake of it. Seriously, where do I go from here and how do I get my confidence back?

Now you know why I was struggling for words.

I feel at every turn, it just rejection after rejection, with a sense that there is no one around me to help. I feel utterly useless and shit at life.

I have never been a confident person, but over the past year, my confidence has snapped, and I have lost it completely. So, what caused it?

I suppose part of it can be traced back to an event from last year when something happens to me which completely knocked my confidence out of the ballpark, and even where I let a situation walked all over me, and I didn’t speak up.

I’m over the event, but it feels like the world is still punishing me over what happened. Since then, nothing in my life has been flowing right for me, which makes me lose my confident more and more in myself.

Every emails or every time I put myself out just al little bit, when I do feel confident; just get knocked back as my emails never get replied or if I do, it just a courtesy rejection email.

So, what do I do? I consider seeing a therapist that helps with confidence, but due to the Covid-19 virus, they not open right now. Shall I sit here and hope my confidence come back? Or do I somehow keep pushing forward and hold onto my confident wire for dear life?

I think the only thing I can say, this post will no doubt be a cliff hanger and it to be continued at some point in the future.

I really hope something good happens to me soon.

What do you think?

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