The constant feeling I’m not good enough

I’m not even sure how to start it. So please bear with me, and I’m just going to blurt it out how it is. I have the constant feeling I’m not good enough.

There I said. It now out in the open. It a heavy feeling that been affecting me all this year. The feeling where I’m not good enough at whatever I do in life.

I’m not good enough blogger; I’m not good enough Instagrammer, I’m not good enough wife. I’m just not good at anything.

I can’t say what brought it all on – this feeling. But it really has been eaten me alive offline. I often imagine my confidence, and my energy is a thin piece of rope, and at any moment it can snap.

When the paralysing fear comes on, I just don’t want to do anything. It a struggle to get up and to be motivated to do some works. A little voice will pop up in my head and say, ‘why bother’? And of course, I listen to it.

I have never been the most confident girl, and my self-esteem has never been high. I’m someone who often would hide in a corner. Even now, I’m hiding away in my office at home while Richard is in the other room.

When it comes to not feeling good enough with blogging, I do invertible compare myself to other bloggers, despite me keep telling myself not to. But I can’t help it. The same goes with Instagram. I know what you’re going to say, ‘stop the comparison’ – but I find myself wondering why people get ahead while I’m always left behind.

That just it, while everyone moves on with their life – both professionally and personally – I’m still left behind.

Is the reason why I’m left behind because I’m not good enough in my personal and professional life? I don’t even know how to answer that.

Feel free to laugh at this next bit, but I rang a psychics hotline when I was feeling really low. But this psychic immediately picked up that I’m super sensitive and that I’d have been feeling low. She was saying you really need to start believing in yourself and look on the positive side.

Easier said than done. How can you start believing in yourself if no one else does? If no one believes in you, then you’re not good enough in anything.

So as you can see, it an endless cycle – well it is for me anyway.

There a constant feeling that when you’re in your mid-thirties you are kind of sorted in life and this is the time when you are making your mark and progressing higher in life. You have a clear goal on where you want to be and how to get there.

However, I’m in my mid-thirties, and I’m not feeling like that. Does it really matter? To everyone else it does. You’re expected to have a mortgage, have a car and have 2.4 children. And for me, well I have one of those things and to be honest I don’t care for the other two. But yet, I’m getting chased by various people with the feeling I’m not good enough for not having those things in life.

What am I doing about it? Well, I’m writing about for starter and telling you what my state of mind has been like for the past year.

Let me say that, getting out of this state of mind is a whole different ball game. From what I keep telling myself that I have somehow ‘will’ my way out of it. But easier said than done. I don’t see myself getting out until someone give me a boost and give me something that helps my self-esteem and confidence.

Till that happens, I’m just going have to leave with me feeling I’m not good enough. Please remember that behind this piece of pixels’ texts does lies a person — someone who is feeling sad and struggling to swim against the tide.

What do you think?

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

  • Julie Mann
    November 24, 2018

    I really feel for you . Honestly you’re not alone. Comparing yourself to others is always a bad idea. You never know the reality of someone else’s seemingly perfect life. Hang in there my dear and things will get better xxx

  • Anna Nuttall
    November 24, 2018

    Thank you xx

  • Kim
    November 24, 2018

    Oh Anna, shame on me for not telling you often enough how much I enjoy reading your blog and hearing from you. I truly believe what you’re going through is real and suffered by many. I could give you a bunch of well intended advice, but each of us have our own journey to find the right path. You my friend, are loved and admired. Now time for you to see what others see.

  • Lauretta
    November 24, 2018

    Ah Anna… I’ve just read this and feel your pain. I think all of us have moments of self doubt and it’s hard not to compare ourselves to others, but we’re all at different stages of the journey and what might be your beginning might be someone’s middle.. You just don’t know. And what I love about you is that you’re unique and you’re genuine… What you see is what you get and keeping things real is the best thing you can do. Chin up girl – and I’m always here if you fancy a chat xxx

  • Lily
    November 24, 2018

    I completely understand how you’re feeling, and often feel this way myself. The fear never really goes away, just recedes to the backs of our minds. I hope you don’t wait too long for external validation and find the strength within yourself! Being aware of your fears and being able to be open and vulnerable about it already shows a strength most people don’t have.

  • Susanne
    November 26, 2018

    Hi Anna, I just found your blog, and I feel your pain. I’m somewhere near where you are right now. I’m 40+ and I’m in the middle of a career change. The problem is that the only niche I’m documented competent in, is one I want to leave. I also struggle with not believing in myself – and I always have. I’m trying my best now to believe that I have potential in other things and that my knowledge is useful.
    I can only say – hang in there. Do what you love. Continue with your blog and your photography. My sister talks about how there are loads of other people who don’t know *** but who know how to brag about themselves, fake it ’til they make it, and then there are people like us – who are good at lots of things but struggle with believing in theirselves. Be proud of what you’ve achieved. And I agree with the above comment, that you can express this publicly shows incredible strength.

5 Things I Have Been Loving Lately | November 2018
The constant feeling I’m not good enough

error: Content is protected !!