new year anxiety

We are only 5 days into the new year, and already the anxiety has started. How I’m coping with my new year anxiety.

It every year I get like this, where I suffer from not only the usual January blues – but also from new year anxiety. January blues, I can handle and it not a real big problem, but the new year anxiety is something that does gripped me and almost make me paralysed with fear. Ok, maybe that is an overstatement, but I find myself in a whirling tornado, and I’m at the centre of it and all I can do it just be a deer in a headlight and watch and stares.

As I mentioned in my looking forward to 2019 post, there are some things I want to tick off my bucket list and to invest into doing new things. And already I have found myself asking, when and will it happen? When all the things I have been looking forward to in 2019 happen?

It sounds almost stupid of me already asking myself if everything I hoped for will actually happen when we only 5 days into the new year. But this tells you something about me – I’m impatient.

Yes, that is my problem, as I get older, I get more impatient I’m sure everything I asked for will happen, but when? My problem is I want to do it now.

This inpatient nature of me make sound spoiled of me wanting everything right here and right now.

But from my point of view, and this is where my new year anxiety kicks in, I’m uncertain of the future, and I don’t know what lies ahead.

I have no clues what the next 12 months will bring and if I’m honest, it does make me nervous. It a silly thing to be worried about, but it feels like being a dark room with a blindfold on and trying to navigate a way out. You’re running in the dark with your arms outstretched trying to grip onto something.

This darkness uncertainty, all boiled down to me and how I still feel like I’m not good enough. I have written before how I feel I’m not a good enough blogger, not good enough at a lot of things.

That is where the heart of my new year anxiety lies – the feeling of not being good enough, and by feeling like this, I find myself questioning whether all the things I’m looking forward to will actually happen?

I don’t know the answer to this yet, and I don’t even know how to responds all the questions and the uncertainty I have. My worry is, will 2019 live up to my expectation?

I’m sure this is all in my head, and eventually, all my expectation will happen and comes true at some points in the coming months, everything I wished for will come true. But right now I feel stagnated, and I don’t know right now if it will all come true. There are times when I wish to have a crystal ball and can look into my future.

So yeah, five days into the new year and I currently have new year anxiety. Hopefully comes February, I will have a few answers to my questions, and this anxiety will have passed.