This is my end of summer and going into the autumn look. Those if I\'m honest, the day we took these photos felt like we were still in the middle of summer and Autumn was just a distant dream. ⠀
I\'m a little late to the linen dress trend that been filling up my Ig feed this summer. Still better late than never, here\'s a linen \'inspired\' dress from Primark. I say \'inspired\' as I don\'t think its strictly a linen dress and its proberbly some cheap knockoff.⠀
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This is my end of...

With Autumn just around the corner, It got me thinking of September/Autumn fashion and how I\'m looking forward to saying goodbye to my summer dresses and hello to oversize jumpers and cosy cardigan. I\'m trying to reclaim my love for the cardigan, a childhood fave of mine which I have seen to outgrown as I got older. ⠀
Starting with this Sainsbury TU embroidery cardigan which is so lovely to wear. I\'m now looking forward to wearing more cardigan throughout Autumn. Bring it on. ⠀
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With Autumn just around the...

When your husband surprised you with a big bouquet of flowers and your first thoughts is - quick let me put on a pretty dress and take a photo of me holding it!⠀
(The only problem with that - you look tired on photos hence me hiding behind this bouquet.)⠀
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When your husband surprised you...

Now the heatwave is coming to an end (they predicting rain and thunder later on today and I\'m excited!) I can now get back to what I\'m best at - posting pretty pictures while wearing pretty clothes. This was a DKNY dress  I brought from Tk Maxx, retailed originally as $145 - I got it for £10. Bargain! ⠀
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Now the heatwave is coming...

A couple weeks ago, out of nowhere a butterfly flew into our home. This got me all emosh and I was certain it was an omen - a good omen. My husband just wanted it out of the house, but I wanted to keep it.⠀
This butterfly picture was at London Zoo. ⠀
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A couple weeks ago, out...

Current Mood: could quite happily sleep for the rest of 2020. ⠀
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Current Mood: could quite happily...

Why I’m ok with not having children

I’m going to talk about something really personal here. If I’m also honest here – this isn’t an easy thing for me to write about. I’ve been restarting and rewriting parts over and over again till I got the words just right. But If I’m honest I don’t think I will ever get the words right on this subject. If it difficult or me to write, I’m sure you’re asking yourself why on earth am I pushing myself to do this? It a promise to myself that I will be more open and more personal on here, after all what the point of writing a blog – a personal one at that, if I’m not more honest with you the readers and with myself.  So sit back, grab a nice herbal tea and read and not to judge my situation.

A few years ago, 5 years to be exact I just got married to Richard. We were newlywed and crazy about each other.  To cut a long story short, we both knew it was the right time to start adding a little one in the equation. So we got busy *ahem*-let just skip that part shall we.

I soon after fell pregnant, we were both very happy and felt like everything was falling into place. The antenatal clinic deemed me to be a high risk so I had to be monitor closely and take special medication. But overall I was fine and felt in good health.  Well I did till I got to 20 weeks, that when things went downhill. We discovered the baby wasn’t growing and my blood pressure have escalated to dangerous level. I started to fall ill and eventually got admitted to hospital.

It was discovered that I had preeclampsia and my body couldn’t handle the pregnancy, a lot of my body functions like kidney and heart was starting to break down. Think of as a machine working overtime. I was closely monitored and given special treatment to make my body calm down.

But sadly I miscarriage and lost little flump (as we nicknamed the baby). We were heartbroken and but the consultant told us to wait 6 months till we can try again.

We did about 2 time in total, all resulting in the same complication. In all aspect all the pregnancy was a de ja vu of each other.

I asked for some genetic testing to be done, to see why I keep having this problem. It came back that I have deformed genetic error or something to that effect, where carrying a baby full term in pregnancy is impossible. My body simply cannot handle being pregnant. Oh there also a 50% chance that the baby would inherit my generic error so If we decided to go the surrogate route which so many people around us keep advising to do, the child would have the same problem.

That would have been selfish off me and what sort of human being would I be by bring a child in the world who would face nothing but problem in their life.

So overall we both decided to stop trying and close the chapter on flump.

My last pregnancy was about 2-3 years ago now and recently we were both reflecting that for us – it ok we don’t have a child of our own. I’m also at the age of being a minority where I’m child-free. All my ‘friends’ (I say it like that as well it depends how you define friends but that’s another issue) have now got their own kids and lives where everything is all rosy and wonderful. So naturally it doesn’t include me, I don’t belong to the mummy chatter or the swings in the park.

And you know what, from an outsider looking in – I can say I’m bloody glad.


During that time with the miscarriages, I was working in my retail job and without saying to much – the work environments was difficult and it made my life a lot harder. I’ve spoken about how miserable I was while working there and how a year ago I left to work for myself.

While some people may now judge me for working for myself, much the same way I had people judging me when I was having my health issue. At least I’m doing it for myself and it makes me happy and I’m calling it my own.

What I mean by that is, while people have commented to my face on why I have no little one. I’m living life on my own term. I’m free to do whatever I like.

And while some people do think I’m not progressing with my life, by being child-free and working for myself. If that isn’t progressing, then what is?

I have come across very judgmental people who think they know what is best for me. If anything keeps the thoughts to yourself, it isn’t easy for me to tell people on why I’m happy being child free. I’m convinced a lot of the comment I get is to do with jealously.

Life has no meaning without a child is what one woman told me before. Really? I feel sorry for that particular woman if she thinks like that. Your life should have meaning and a child is not necessarily one of them for myself.

Last year Richard and I went travelling around Europe and it was amazing! We were like two travelers with a backpack and a train ticket. So Mrs. judgmental women with the straw hat what do you make of that? Does that not have meaning to our own life? Is it completely childish that we would just run off like that?

I say hell no – because we have no responsibility to a child to worry about. Our lives are ours and ours alone.

On that note, we both understand that we don’t have the finical burden of bringing up a child and money – while still an issue – is ours to do what we want and if we want to travel then we will and nothing will stop up.

I enjoy buying clothes and drinking cocktails, while my husband enjoys geeky tech. Does that make us a selfish people? No. We’re buying things that make us happy. If I want to buy that big bar of chocolate and I will and no one can ever stop me.

With everything that been said, I don’t hate kids and I never go out of my way to avoid them all together. A lot of people feel they need to hide their child from me, like I’m a child-snatcher from chitty chatter bang bang.

I have 3 lovely nieces (well one is little difficult with me but she’s 2 so I let her off) and I’m happy with that. I hang out, text them, and be available if they ever need to talk to me. I still get my own space and I can still be myself. What is wrong with that?

As you most likely can tell by now how my ability to know my own mind has been doubted, whenever the subject is brought up. I had people telling me my biological clock is ticking – well I always replied back it can bloody tick to zero doesn’t make a different to me. Or I would never feel like a grown-up woman.  What qualified as grown up women?

For me it someone who is paying her way and living her life, do you beg to differ?

After all the whole issue of biological clock is rubbish, there have been report of women’s having baby at age 50 – 60, what do you say about that? I don’t know about anyone else but I don’t hear any ticking inside myself.

The idea of someone who would inherit the family fortune once you’re gone is an argument that people always bring up.  Who will carry on with the circle of life once we’re gone? You know what, that isn’t you to decide, it isn’t even our – after all the earth will still keep turning and I’m sure while one branch of the family tree is broken, there will be plenty more that will flourish. Sometime as a response back, I do bring up that the earth is grossly over populated and by not bringing one child in will actually help the population future.

Sometime I’m shocked by the level of judgment I get from people when I say, I’m happy being child-free. It a decision that both my husband and I have made and no one influence our decision – we came to it naturally. We came to that decision though a natural difficult time, it was mother nature decision to tell me I can’t have kids.

I think I have said enough on this subject and I feel better for getting it off my chest. You get only one life – so live it with how you want to and no by how people want you to live it. Remember YOLO!

What do you think?

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  • Vicky
    August 2, 2016

    You have had a rough time by the sounds of it but seem to be embracing your situation well. I recently met up with an old Uni friend who didn’t have children and she’s had a fantastic life seeing places I would only dream of visiting. If you’ve come to terms with it then it’s much easier to progress through life. Life is for living and there’s no rules that state you should or shouldn’t have children. Enjoy the moment!

  • LaaLaa
    August 2, 2016

    Honest post & I’m sorry to read that you’ve been through all this but it’s so lovely you’ve got a husband who understands. I’m sure someone else will share a similar view to you. Having children isn’t for everyone some know from before and some after experiencing loss. I had an ectopic pregnancy and for awhile I said I didn’t want children and I’m in my late 20s now and nearly all my friends have children and I’m one of few without and I’m cool with that, it’s not my time. There’s so much more for me to do before a child but if things happen it happens, if not it wasn’t meant to be. I try not to stress myself out about such things. xo

  • Clare Nicholas
    August 2, 2016

    A very heartfelt post.
    I hate how others seem to have an opinion on other people’s lives. I wrote a post recently on why I’m not having number 3. I suffered 5 miscarriages and can’t do that to my body any more, but people will always sadly have an opinion on something which is none of their business.
    You sounds very happy and the traveling sounds amazing.

  • Being Ashleigh
    August 2, 2016

    Such a brave post Anna. You and Richard sound like a solid couple and that’s so inspiring.

    Ashleigh x – UK fashion, lifestyle and travel blog

  • StressedMum
    August 2, 2016

    What a heart felt post, thank you for sharing something so personal. I think people do genuinly think that you have to have children, and those who can not, or simply do not want them are the odd ones out. I personally believe that it is down to the individual and people need to realise that not everyone is the same. And as for ‘friends’ I think situations like this really show who your true friends are. And to me it sounds like you have a great life x

  • A Frugal Desteny
    August 2, 2016

    I completely understand where you’re coming from. I had 5 miscarriages before beginning to accept that I wouldn’t be a mom. Except in my case, all the tests results came back normal and I didn’t have any answers. Then, once we had reached the point of believing children just weren’t in the cards for us, we conceived our now 1 year old daughter and there weren’t any complications (aside from mild gestational diabetes and mild pre-eclampsia at 39 weeks). I saw multiple specialists during my pregnancy due to my prior miscarriages and I was told by every single one of them that I’ll most likely never learn what caused the miscarriages and there’s no way of knowing if I’ll be able to carry another to term. I’m totally okay with that. If my daughter is my only child, great! Nobody else understands that mindset, but I’m happy with the life I have and I don’t need more kids to feel fulfilled.
    I’m really glad you are okay with this and you have come to accept it. Who cares what anyone else thinks? And it’s like you said, you have so much more freedom being child free! You get to do things (like go to Europe!) that I’m not going to get to do anytime soon! Have fun and take advantage of the upsides to not having kids!

  • Skinnyandsingle
    August 2, 2016

    So sorry about little flump, but you don’t have to care what other people think. Life is yours for the living and no one has the right to say a word.

  • Melissa Diep
    August 2, 2016

    I comment you for being so brave and raw. I’ve had a miscarriage before so I know first hand so I know what you went through.

  • Tanvi
    August 2, 2016

    Thanks for sharing your story. I can relate to it on many levels. My husband and I are child-free by choice and get to hear a lot of those same remarks or rolling of eyes. But i don’t give two hoots as my life is my own, like you said! Appreciate you opening up here. Xx

    ∞ © ∞

  • Gemma
    August 2, 2016

    Thankyou for sharing your experience. Inspiring. It’s crazy how outright judgemental people can be.

  • Tara | C&CO.
    August 2, 2016

    I love seeing posts like this. Women are expected to be maternal and it drives me insane. Thanks so much for writing this!

  • Whatudidntknow
    August 2, 2016

    Well done on being so open and brave to share what happened and why you both decided not to have children. It really annoys me when people keep asking about children! People don’t seem to realize that it’s a personal thing and it has nothing to do with everyone else. And yes, your life is not incomplete if you don’t have children. It sounds like you’re both having a great life now that you’ve made your peace with this 😉

  • Teresa
    August 2, 2016

    So sorry for what you’ve had to go through. No one should question or judge your decisions. You need to live your life and do what makes you happy–and that is different for every person.

  • *Beth Twinderelmo*
    August 2, 2016

    My sister doesn’t have any children nor does she want any but the level of questioning she gets is unbelievable. She’s even had people ask her what’s wrong with her when she says she doesn’t want them. Everyone can make their own choices and her life isn’t less fulfilled due to having no kids. It’s awful the stigma and interrogation she gets

  • Joanna
    August 2, 2016

    Thank you for sharing your experience, being a parent is such a personal decsion and something you felt was right for you and your huband.

  • North East Family Fun
    August 2, 2016

    It does my head in when people feel the need to make comments about your child (or non-child) situation full stop, No one knows your circumstances x

  • Ana De Jesus
    August 2, 2016

    Honestly I think this is your best post and you should write more posts like this because you are a talented writer. It saddens me that people continue to judge you when they should back off and let you own your story. You went through so much and these so called friends seem far too judgemental for my liking. As long as you are happy hun then that is all that matters x

  • Courtney Connolly
    August 2, 2016

    Thank you for sharing your story. I know it wasn’t easy to share but you are helping so many other women who are dealing with similar issues (like myself)

    La Belle Sirene

  • Harriet @ Toby&Roo
    August 2, 2016

    I love this, I always wanted lots of children – does that mean you should? Nope! I really don’t understand why people have such an issue with women choosing not to have kids!

  • Rhian Westbury
    August 2, 2016

    I am sorry about everything you’ve been through but it’s so refreshing that you’re okay with not having children. People think I am so strange that I don’t want children x

  • Elaine Livingstone
    August 2, 2016

    What a brave post to write. None of us know what life has planned for us and I am sure there are parents out there that did not plan to be parents but nature decided different. I do think there is a big emphasis that a couple is not complete until they have produced off spring, but that is such a sad idea. I was happy to be a mum and would have had more had things worked out different, where as my sister was never maternal. I am glad you are happy with what life has dealt you and I am sure the grass always appears greener no matter what side of the fence you are on.

  • Lilinha Espindula
    August 2, 2016

    I am sorry to hear about what you went through, but I’m happy to hear that you are ok with not having children. Only you and your husband can make that decision, so nobody should judge you!

  • Leslie Nichole
    August 3, 2016

    I don’t think it’s anyone’s business if you guys have a little kiddo or not. I’ll be 32 this year and I don’t even have a boyfriend. Everyone yells at me because I work too much and don’t make time. I had uterine cancer 4 years ago in which the boyfriend I did have left me and called me broken. I’m glad you guys had a great time backpacking, that straw hat wearing lady can zip it.

  • Liz Mays
    August 3, 2016

    I definitely respect your decisions. I don’t understand why people would want to judge someone for this!

  • Shannon Schroecker
    August 3, 2016

    Good for you – it is so important toknow what is right for yourself and NOT whatever society expects. There are many women who are unsure but go ahead and have children because they think they need to.

  • Elizabeth
    August 3, 2016

    Only you will know what is best for you and no one has any right to judge a couple for choosing to remain childless. As a mother of three I sometimes wish I’d chosen to remain childless too! Kids are hard work!!

  • Kara
    August 3, 2016

    I am so sorry that you lost flump, it must have been a very difficult time. My aunt never wanted or had children and she was always questioned on it but it was right for her and her husband and she doted on her nieces and nephews and always joked she got to give us back ;0)

  • Beautyqueenuk
    August 3, 2016

    I think choosing when to or if to have a child is a personal decision. I hate that as soon as you are married it is assumed a child is the next in the equation, I have been married for 12 years and am not sure I will ever have children, it isn’t something I feel I need to have to complete being a human being x

  • Hannah Heartss ❄️⛄️
    August 3, 2016

    I love reading posts like this, well done you on being open about it x

  • Eugenia Nazarova
    August 3, 2016

    Your personal story touched me a lot! Don’t let others judge you, just be happy with who you are! Wish you good luck!

  • Hungry_Healthy_Happy
    August 3, 2016

    I am so sorry that you are going through this, but I totally believe that a life can be full without children, even if someone has decided not to have them.

  • Nicole Mendez
    August 3, 2016

    Thanks for sharing your real feelings here! The decision on whether or not to be a mother is a very personal one and no one should be judged on it. I am sorry for your past struggles and hope you find peace and lots of good luck in the future!

  • Erin Nichols
    August 3, 2016

    Beautiful Post, Anna. People are very judgmental and always feel the need to throw in their two cents on everything. I’m in awe of your positive and warm attitude towards the people who have given unwelcome advice. It sounds like you and your husband have it worked out, and as long as you two are happy and comfortable with your lives, that’s all that matters. Thank you for sharing this and being so open and transparent about a topic that a lot of people see as taboo.

  • Sharon Beauty
    August 4, 2016

    Sorry to hear your lost. Glad to hear that you keep strong. You’re right about “Our lives are ours and ours alone”. You live what you feel comfortable and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Great post!

  • Kacie Morgan
    August 4, 2016

    I enjoyed reading this, as someone who still doesn’t know if I ever want to have children. I hate how it almost feels expected of me to have a child, I just don’t know if I will ever really want to have children. Only time will tell!

  • Kirsty Phillipson-Lowe
    August 4, 2016

    Sorry to hear about flump and the problems that you had. I love how you are moving on and living your life to the full and showing people that you do not need children to do that! x

  • Kira L Curtis
    August 4, 2016

    I don’t understand why women are always expected to follow such a journey through life when it’s up to us! If you decide to want to have kids but because you can’t there are other options like adoption but if you are happy as you are, and you’re getting to do all the things you want to do (which you wouldn’t be able to do if you had a child) then you’ve made the right choice! Good on you 😀

  • Sally Akins
    August 4, 2016

    Whether or not someone has children is such a personal issue, whatever the reasons behind it. You shouldn’t have to justify being child-free any more than someone should have to justify choosing to have children!

  • Beth
    August 4, 2016

    Firsty, I want to say sorry for your losses, it must have been so hard.
    Secondly, well done writing this post lovely. So honest. It is your personal choice and I personally think it can be one of the hardest choice a woman makes. But well done you.
    How amazing you got to travel. This is something me and my partner want to do once my children are all grown up.

  • Elise
    August 4, 2016

    such an interesting topic! Thanks for sharing something so personal – very brave!

    August 5, 2016

    I want to say sorry for your losses and that you are very brave for writhing this post and coming to this conclusion.

  • Anosa
    August 5, 2016

    Sorry to learn of your past miscarriages, ignore other people and focus on what’s important for you and your husband right now. 🙂
    Virtual hugs xoxo

  • Helen
    August 5, 2016

    This is a great post. You are brave for sharing. Having children of my own has never appealed to me. We live in an already overpopulated world so why add to the mess? When my partner and I are ready, we have already discussed adoption. I believe that it is the least selfish option and most rewarding. If our adoption plan falls through then I will be just as happy without.

  • Natalia Molinero Mingorance
    August 5, 2016

    Thanks for sharing your story, I think you are very brave and this definitely help lots of women that don’t accept the fact of not having babies. I know that it’s a controversial topic, but it’s good to have different vews xx

  • topmomsmagazine
    August 5, 2016

    This is a very interesting post that I enjoyed reading. Thanks for being so real and honest!

  • Melanie Edjourian
    August 5, 2016

    I have three children but I can totally understand that some people would not be too bothered about having any. I have a few friends that feel exactly the same.

  • Michaela Britton
    August 6, 2016

    I think it’s great that you are writing about this as many people will also go through loss and end up not having children, but then fear talking about it.

  • Northern Crumble
    August 7, 2016

    You and Richard have been on a right emotional rollercoaster. Like you said, travel around europe, buy them cocktails and be a free spirit. And to the “supposed” friends… let them crack on

  • Very emotional post and sorry for the loss. But you both are a very strong couple. I think, every person needs to be happy as they are and no one has any right to judge anyone.

  • Natasha Mairs
    August 8, 2016

    good for you!! I have a friend who is in her mid 30’s and has no plans on ever having children. I don’t think she is selfish at all, but a lot of people think she is. every person is different and we all lead different lives and there is nothing at all wrong with that

  • Grandmas House DIY
    August 25, 2016

    That was a fabulous blog post and I really applaud you for writing it! I’ve never been one who ever wanted kids and I was fortunate to find someone who shares in my own life goals. My father told me once that I was “Denying a man a child” and it would make me basically a horrible person if I didn’t have kids… as though being a woman means that my only job on this planet is to procreate. Gosh I sure hope we’ve come far enough in the world now that that’s not true, but that doesn’t change a lot of people from thinking that way. Besides not wanting children myself I also feel that it is bordering on irresponsible to have your own biological children now when there are so many that need homes and loving parents not to mention what we’re doing to the environment with our border-line nuts desire for BIGGER MORE AND BETTER. If even a small percentage of the population decided to adopt then breed it would make this world a far better place.

  • Anna Nuttall
    August 27, 2016

    I would like to say thank you for your story. You and I share the same tale/theme in life. It is irresponsiable to bring a child in when you’re not ready or in a good place. xx

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Why I’m ok with not having children

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