How to Build Confidence When You Have None To Begins With
The topic of confidence is always a tricky subject to talk about. Today I will be telling you my own experience and how to build confidence when you have none to begins with.
I’m sure if you go into room with a handful of women and ask them on which one felt really confidence with themselves, I bet that half the room will raise their hands. Or some would be too scared to even raise up their hands in case of being ridicule.
There seem to be a taboo around people having confidence, especially in the workplace. You either have it or you don’t. There seem to be this image where the more confidence you are – the more successful you will be life in the workplace. So lot of time people put on a big smile and pretend to be confidence throughout the day, just to try and get on ahead. When really they are dying inside and just want hide somewhere in a black hole.
I’m not a very confidence person, just ask anyone. I struggle most days just to get out of the house. I spent many years with such low confidence and such low self-esteem that I’m sure I was on the verge on a nervous breakdown.
I was never that person who was confidence in the workplace, I tried to be and for a short time I felt like I did have confidence – but it would often get knocked down by my manager. So you are often back to square 1.
I think when you have no self-esteem and no confidence, you still have to somehow find the motivation to get dress in the morning, still have to leave the house and run for that train. You also have to be that brave person who will come into work every day, greet the same people, listen to the same talk and do the same works. It not the case of hiding in bed all day – you still got bills to pay, the dog need feeding and your kids need to go to school.
For a long time, I was that girl who had to wake up every morning and still had to function as a normal confidence person. I had rent/mortgage to pay, bills that needed to be paid, and money to spend on myself. For a long time as I dreaded my last job I could feel any thoughts of function as normal confidence person slipping out of me the moment I got through the door of my workplace.
I was for a long time a nervous wreck. I would say to people that my confidence was like a thin hair strand and at any moment it can easy break into two.
When I was uni I was a nervous wreck. I was so consumed by me not failing my uni course, that when people knocked me down – it took my confidence away. However, I was still determined to finish and to have an actual uni degree. I had to somehow find it in me to have the confidence to keep going. I would tell myself that no one going to do it for me – only me can do it.
You, could be reading this and thinking ‘this is so me!’. You can also be thinking that this is all very well and good, but how does this help anyone? It bring me back to my orignal question, how to build confidence when you have none too begins with?
If there is one thing I learnt over the year, don’t ever take your confidence for granted. Even if it a small thin strand – it still there.
When I went for many years looking for a job, you know applying for job then getting rejection letters one after another. That I felt at the time completely killed my confidence. I would find myself asking, ‘how to build confidence when you have none too begins with’.
Knowing on how to build confidence when you have none to begins with is never an easy task. Some people can sing in front of hundreds of people – while other would just dread the idea and would have a nervous breakdown.
I also had a hard lesson over the years and taught myself that building confidence is an ongoing lesson in life. Somehow you need to invest in yourself. Do something different that you never done before, whether it wearing a bikini for the first time or trying a new hair colour.
It all about time and patience. Investing in yourself isn’t just a financial lockdown – ok so I need a new hair colour to make me feel better about myself? – Hell no!
Building confidence means investing time and energy where you need it most. Find that one person who will help you along the way.
My one person who does help me when I am a complete nervous wreck – is my husband. Having that one person who genuinely care about you and talk thing through can make a world of difference.
A friend of mine recently is going through the same hard time I went through with my last job. It like a mirror image of myself. She would often tell me that her confidence is slipping through her fingers and she would have panic attack every morning.
As I went all through that before – I’ve been helping her through it all using my experience. Every morning we would texts each other and try to get her mind off work. I even sometime would meet her for lunch just so she has a friendly face to talk too in the middle of the day.
Building confidence is also about looking at yourself and being happy on who you are. I’m always going to be that girl who is short and wear size 2 (uk) shoes; but I can still do everything a tall person who wear size 4 shoes can do.
A few years ago, one of my first client hired me as they thought I was very sweet and a kind person. They liked my good nature mannerism and how I was direct with people. They often me a job on the spot. This came about when I was at the time my lowest of the low and felt like everything was against me.
The moral of the story is I want you to every morning looks at yourself and say out loud the one good thing about you as person. Are you well mannered? Do you make a mean cup of coffee? Can you type 100 words a minutes? Look in your bathroom mirror and say something positive out loud.
The story of my first client helped build my confidence and help build that thin strand of hair into a big lump of strands.
I have learnt that somehow and in some way the universe does respond to you and will give you the confidence you need in life. The trick is – knowing where to look.
And that I feel is how to build confidence when you have none to begins with. In short it not an easy task but having people around and investing energy in yourself will be the building block you need to go on.